The Baronry

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Water

2007-01-29T14:40:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year again for my annual scientific journey to the depths of the oceans. I write this while slowly descending to many thousands of ~~leagues~~ fathoms under the sea (Thanks Captain Nemo). The vessel is cold and dark. Under limited candlelight, so not to prematurely exacerbate our air supply, the ship's captain is steering us cautiously while a journalist is hastily drawing in his sketchbook. I only hope we have enough coal to power us back to the surface.
When will we return? I am not sure. In the meantime please view the documentary of last year's journey narrated by my good friend Sir Nigel Perrywinkle.

M'er F'n Planes

2006-12-14T17:05:00.000-06:00

All my physicist friends are unavailable. Can someone please answer the question in this scenario so everyone at my office gets back to work?

A plane is standing on a runway that can move (some sort of band conveyer). The plane moves in one direction, while the conveyer moves in the opposite direction. This conveyer has a control system that tracks the plane speed and tunes the speed of the conveyer to be exactly the same (but in the opposite direction). Can the plane take off?

Approbative Photography Links

2006-12-13T18:04:00.000-06:00

As a young adolescent I always dreamed of a burgeoning career as a Playboy magazine photographer. While those dreams have passed, my appreciation for fine photography hasn't. With that, I present to you a few exquisite photographers who manage to capture genius, emotion, and beauty without the use of naked women.

Velco Dojcinovski: An Australian photographer with an eye for cinematic, urban narratives. My favorite photographer right now.
Paulo Alegria: Some great pictures of life in Portugal.
Guy Eppel: British rock photographer.... what an excellent career choice.
Mike Innocenzi: An eye for Chicago.
John Gripenholm: A Sweedish Photographer with some really amazing fashion shots and portraits.

Major Rathbone

2006-11-27T17:54:00.000-06:00

My recent trip to our great nation's capitol revealed many interesting facts and stories. Few of them were as interesting as the story of Henry Reed Rathbone.

The Haunted Major, American Heritage Magazine
Henry Rathbone, Wikipedia

Fashion Trend Alert: The Monocle

2006-11-21T18:05:00.000-06:00

Nothing says "I'm so important I only need to see out of one eye" like a monocle. Whether your out for a night at the opera, monopolizing an industry, debating astronomical nomenclature, or flying an airplane for the Royal Air Force, the monocle is the quintessential eye-wear of the modern gentleman. However, be careful when dining. If I had a nickel for every time I dropped my monocle in my soup after someone's preposterous remarks I would be marginally richer than I already am.

Sir Patrick in the Observatory With The Telescope

Movie (Re)Views

2006-11-21T17:15:00.000-06:00

Recently viewed films alphabetized and rated using my patented 14.625 point grading scale. (Rounded to the nearest thousandth of course)

+ The 400 Blows 13.135
+ Dirty Harry 11.112
+ Doctor Zhivago 11.783
+ Legends of the Fall 10.601
+ Spaceballs 10.968

You are now welcome to proceed to your nearest DVD bootlegger post-haste.

The Things I Hate

2006-11-20T16:20:00.000-06:00

Hate is such a strong word, which is why I use it as often as possible.
It's time once again to update the list of things I hate. While they may appear random, the following items have one thing in common. For often mysterious and unknown reasons the following things make me very, very angry.

+ World Music
+ Biting your tongue
+ People that yell "get in the hole" at golf tournaments.
+ Magicians / Illusionists
+ Window decals 1 | 2
+ All black outfits
+ Dr. Pepper
+ Mama's Family
+ Contemporary musicals
+ Whoopi Goldberg
+ Diamondplating
+ White collars on colored dress shirts

I'm certain that I am forgetting a few things. I'll try to muster up enough hateful recollection in time for Christmas. In the meantime feel free to add your very own petty annoyances and aggravations to the comments of this post.

What People Did Before The Internet

2006-11-08T08:46:00.000-06:00

I've been called many things in my life; handsome, astute, charming, articulate, learned, dapper, but never have I been called Henry Darger. Darger, a prolific "outsider" artist and creator of several exhaustive graphic manuscripts, has been called many things, crazy and feeble-minded being among the most common.

In a tiny studio apartment on the north side of Chicago, just a few blocks north of my residence, he quietly created a vast collection of work that easily exceeds all other janitor/artists. His seminal work is the 15,145 page graphic-novel simply titled The Story of the Vivian Girls, in What is known as the Realms of the Unreal, of the Glandeco-Angelinnian War Storm, Caused by the Child Slave Rebellion. If you're looking for a shorter read, might I suggest The History of My Life. At 4,672 pages, you won't even notice that after page 206 that he abandons the story of his life in favor of a tale about a tornado named "Sweetie Pie". Like so many of us, he fancied himself an amateur meteorologist, compiling a ten-year journal of the inaccuracies of the local newspaper's weather reports.

His work was only discovered shortly before his death and has found its way to several museums around the world including both Chicago's Contemporary Museum of Art and Art Institue.
Watch: In the Realms of the Unreal - The Mystery of Henry Darger.
Read: Thank Heaven For Little Girls, Art In America

Parlez-vous Excellence?

2006-11-02T20:56:00.000-06:00

Put down your monacle and dust off the beret you American swine. Today, the Baron salutes French culture in all it's excellence.

Watch: The 400 Blows (1959): A classic of French New Wave.
It will make you laugh, cry, and think twice about stealing a typewriter. Watch one of my favorite scenes here.

Listen: Serge Gainsbourg (1928-1991): A poet, provocateur, modern bastard. Watch the video for Bonnie & Clyde

Absorb: Leg, An Agency: French graphic design with panache, pompe, and perhaps some circumstance! Huzzah!

Discover: Panoramiqu de Paris: The city of lights in all its panoramic glory.

Excellence On The Television

2006-10-30T15:55:00.000-06:00

Just in time for Halloween, a performance so scary-good it will make you cry. I implore you to drop everything (yes, even small children) and watch this immediately.

"Wolf Like Me" by TV On The Radio

In Praise of Government

2006-10-30T15:25:00.000-06:00

Is there a greater, more superb execution of legislation than German Rheinheitsgebot Law of 1516? Me thinks not.
First outlined in 1487, the German law of beer purity ensured that all beers brewed and sold in Bavaria adheared to strict standards. Certain ingredients were restricted, A few accepted. While some will say the law stiffled competition and innovation, I say it established the roadmap for what today we enjoy as the finest of lagers and pilsners. When thirst calls I'll be sure to grab an ice cold bottle of goverment endorsed refreshment! More on the Rheinheitsgebot

A few of my favorite law-obiding beers:
Hofbrauhaus Oktoberfest
Hacker Pschor Weiss
Augustiner Dunkles

A Gentleman's Desktop

2006-10-23T17:22:00.000-05:00

I implore you! No more "pretty" shapes or pictures of your "adorable" children.
Here are a few desktops ideal for a true gentleman's business machine!

Where's George?

2006-10-23T12:20:00.000-05:00

Among the change given to me during a morning stop at my local 7-11 last February was a very special one dollar bill. Stamped upon the bank note were instructions to visit a website and discover the path it took to get to my wallet. I discovered my bill spent time in Delaware and New Jersey. I suspected it to be on some sort of transcontinental journey. It's nice to see such ambition. Shortly after receiving it I sent it along, eagerly awaiting news of its future travels, but since then I have heard nothing. Cheap floozy! The average lifespan of a one dollar bill is only 22 months. I am worried sick. I hope it's not traped in a frame upon the wall of some local hair salon. I implore you all, the next time you purchase a lottery ticket or frequent your favorite gentleman's club, please be on the lookout.
Thank You,
The Baron

YouTube Revived The Video Star

2006-10-21T16:17:00.000-05:00

Music videos are finally back thanks to bands like OK-Go and more importantly sites like YouTube. I'm glad too. It gives me yet another way to waste time at work.

Chips Ahoy! by The Hold Steady

Five Excellent Albums For Röcktöber

2006-10-20T17:51:00.000-05:00

On your next stop home from the liquor store or bear-baiting match why don't you stop at your local independant record store and purchase these outstanding albums for your phonograph machine?

Band Finally Getting Their Due
The Hold Steady: Boys and Girls In America:
Hard Rock Poetry from Brooklyn via Minneapolis. Just listen to the lyrics.

My Local Chicago Band of the Moment
The Changes: Today Is Tonight
The only unsigned band to play at Lollapolooza. Their debut is worth checking out.
If The Police and Minus the Bear had a baby it would be named The Changes.

UK/Irish Band I'm Currently Into
The 747's: Zampano
The 747's start where The Zutons left off. Why do all these Irish bands sound like they come from California? Their new album hasn't dropped in the states yet, but watch out when it does.

Still Good, Despite the Band Name
Now It's Overhead: Dark Light Daybreak
Not typical of music I usually listen too, but I can't stop. From the Saddle Creek label, Now It's Overhead features members behind many of the labels most popular acts.

Dance, Dance, Dance:
The Rapture: Pieces of the People We Love
It's nice to see an indie band come out with a sophmore effort that doesn't make me roll my eyes or question their direction. Indie-dance may not be as hot as it was in 2003, but it's still good. Paul Epworth, Ewan Pearson, and Danger Mouse aid with production.

Check these artists out on allmusic.com or try to listen to them using the Virtual iPod.

Ladies, Gentleman, Gifted Farm Animals - Welcome.

2006-10-20T17:22:00.000-05:00

I'm afraid that it has finally happened. I have entered the 21st century, where starting your own blog is as common as the huddled masses who heed my opinions and are susceptible to my clout and influence. At the urging of several coworkers, and a few acquaintances, relatives, taxi drivers, local celebrities, PTA members, butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, window washers, chimney sweeps, bartenders, aldermen, clergymen, brewmasters, street performers, advisory boards, focus groups, railroad tycoons, parole officers, and TV's Richard Mulligan, I have decided what the world needs is one more opinionated blog telling you what to eat, drink, watch, listen to, believe, and think. Enjoy your transformation from unclean prolatarian ingnoramity to cultural aristocracy.

Be excellent,